Whatever Can Be Found, Can Also Be Lost

This year I noticed a growing trend on social media, everyone was encouraging each other to choose a word that would best describe where they were this year. While everyone was going around coming up with their "word", I was scrambling around trying to de-clutter as much as possible. My husband and I have been together for thirteen years and are coming up on our tenth wedding anniversary this year. Together we've accumulated a ton of stuff over the years having moved a total of six times, and getting rid of our storage facility last year. So naturally I thought my word was "Purge".

Long story short, I'm not a hoarder (don't ask my husband though), but I AM sentimental and have a knack for creating finding space for everything. Turning 34 this year I felt a certain shift, I suppose I have been building up to this for quite some time. I have lived by the motto "less is more" in almost all aspects of my life these past couple of years, so working through the clutter and purging has been my mantra since the holidays were over.

And then it happened. I lost my phone.Gasp!

Now, for most responsible iPhone users this is just a tad inconvenient, an unfortunate expense even.

But for me, this was death. The biggest purge of all.

I suppose we'll start with the fact that I hadn't backed up since March of last year (you heard me right). I am infamous at taking a ton of pictures of just about anything. If you follow me on Instagram then you know I love to post pics of my boys (of course), my vinyl collection, nature, food were growing in our garden plot, you name it. Anything that inspires the photographer hidden deep inside. So my storage is ALWAYS full, that annoying little message pops up and I hit "Ignore" (doh!). I've said it many times, I'm an Analog girl in a Digital world... Photos, Contacts, you name it. Gone!

When I realized my phone was gone I immediately felt my heart sink with sadness at all the memories I knew had been lost. Our recent family camping trip, most of the holidays, DIY projects, future blog ideas, EVERYTHING. I found that I was kicking myself about not being able to juggle two cranky toddlers at IKEA in the checkout line. I was beating myself up about not backing everything up constantly. I shed tears over all the beautiful memories I planned on framing.

We pride ourselves on being "unplugged" as much as possible in a tech driven society. We keep any sort of screen time to a minimum in our home, heck we don't even own an iPad. But even I was thrown for a loop. After the initial heartbreak of knowing that I will never get those photos back settled and I was able to think clearly. I realized just how much even I relied on this device. So there you have it, my lesson .

Attachment, rather lack thereof.

At the end of the day, I didn't need those pictures to know that I had been to those places or experienced those moments. Sure, it would've been nice to frame some of those beautiful memories. But it doesn't change the fact that they happened, and I was ACTUALLY there. So therefore I shouldn't feel so devastated because I haven't "lost" anything. In fact I gained plenty.

During the time without my phone I was free to focus on tasks a bit more. Relish in the moment a little more with my children, and have more focused one on one time with those I love. I always focus on keeping unstructured play time for my kids, I hadn't thought much of carving that time out for myself. See, I may not be glued to my phone all day, but having my phone means I'm accessible to the world at all times. Without it, I was free. Free to experience life as it was happening without interruption. Free to just be.

I had no idea what was in store for me when I chose my word, lesson learned.

Well played universe, well played...


Essentially Yours,

Erika