What I'm Reading: "The Gifts of Imperfections" by Dr. Brene Brown

This month's pick is "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Be Who You Are" by Dr. Brene Brown.

Brene Brown, Ph.D. is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. For the past decade she has studied vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame. Quite possibly not the most popular of studies being researched, but all the more intriguing. Brene`lives n Houston with her husband Steve and their two children.

Brown's 2010 TEDx Talk on the power of vulnerability is brave and moving. It also just happens to be one of the most watched talks on TED.com with over 15 million views.

That, as well as her closing speech, Listening to Shame, at the 2012 TED conference in Long Beach, have catapulted Brown "Into the Arena".

Coincidentally, the premise for her third book (which I devoured in two days) "Daring Greatly". The title of the book comes from the Theodore Roosevelt speech "Man In The Arena".

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.  -Theodore Roosevelt

I'm getting ahead of myself here...

Brene` is the author of three books total to date:

• I Thought It Was Just Me
• The Gifts of Imperfections
• Daring Greatly

I skipped right over her first book and dived head on into "The Gifts of Imperfections" (call it a cosmic "Freudian" draw). It was just what #DrMom ordered for this recovering Type A perfectionist.

The first book is on my reading list for sure!

Her introduction to wholehearted living is an inspiring and authentic view at ourselves and how we perceive the world around us. Letting go of "social norms" and leaving room for self compassion in order to truly be able to feel compassion towards another, is only one of the many guideposts to truly "wholehearted living". Her approach to cultivating creativity and letting go of comparison is something we all can learn from, especially our children.

One of the main draws in this book for me was that these were all values I wanted to instill in my children, and yet I had to sort of "re-wire" my own thinking before I could authentically model this for them. It's one thing to talk the talk, but children are masters at seeing right through your words and picking up on ALL of your actions. Not just those opportune "teachable moments" where you are prepared with all the right answers and theories, but all the in between moments of each and every day. Sensing your fear and vulnerability, even at times you may be unwilling to share or admit it. This is the reason I feel as though you have the constant ability to deepen your relationship and bond with your children, for there is no more intimate relationship on this earth we can share as we do with them.

Brown's outlook on vulnerability and shame is empowering. The true courage it takes to open up and share freely with someone (only those who've earned the right to hear your story, including your children) your fears or inadequacies. The fact that you may just not know what to do or say at any given moment, but you are willing to be open and accepting to whatever comes your way is truly brave. Because the risk of looking "uncool" is much smaller than the risk of not giving it your all.

Brene` is quoted as saying: "Being cool is the emotional straight jacket". I see this everyday with children and sadly even adults. Especially among little girls and even "women". I suppose it's easy to be a part of the "Mean Girls Club", to be too cool for school. In reality these "tough girls" who can't express themselves emotionally or step up and be counted for what they feel or believe without attacking are afraid. More afraid of the vulnerability it takes to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you. Afraid to be seen or heard, for fear that they may not be loved because of it. Fear of rejection even. As a society, as women, we are constantly pressured to dress and look a certain way. To live up to an unattainable expectation, and if you don't then you my dear are an outcast. Rather than focus their energy on the outside by physically changing themselves in pursuit of fulfillment or acceptance, I'd rather focus that energy on the inside. Once you get the inside right, the rest will fall into place. There's more strength and courage in standing alone with integrity than there ever was in selling out in a crowd.

It's easy for someone to shut down and turn to mean, rude or provocative comments as a means of defense. It takes a lot of guts instead to choose compassion and live with an open heart. To embrace our vulnerability as humans, and value the connection that comes with it is perhaps the most courageous.

Dr. Brene Brown believes that as humans we are all hard-wired for connection, and all we want is to be seen and heard. By acknowledging our children's feelings, ALL of them, no matter how uncomfortable they may be, we give them the opportunity to be seen AND heard. To truly give unconditional love, we must embrace the ENTIRE human being with acceptance and love. Giving the gift of love and total compassion. Only once we can do this for ourselves, can we freely and genuinely give it to others.

If only we lived in a world where differences were celebrated, maybe everyone would be able to share the same unalienable human rights and get married where they please. Perhaps little girls would feel comfortable in their own skin no matter what that skin looked like, and could grow into women who uplifted each other instead of judging and comparing each other while exchanging catty remarks. Little boys could even express themselves without societal judgment on what colors they should be wearing, or what "manly" toys they should be playing with. Then they could grow up to be men who could confidently stay at home with their children, or enjoy tender moments without shame.

This book and more books like it are a part of a higher consciousness sweeping the nation. It's a process, but there is definitely a shift in vibrational energy, a shift in consciousness for the human race. It seems at times we've come a long way, but there is much more to go. Making the change starts with you. Making a change in your own mind and breaking generational patterns, passing that along to your children. One mind. One Person. One Family. One Neighborhood. One Community. One Nation. One World. One Race.

Essentially Yours,


Erika

"What's Going On"

It seems there is plenty to fear at a time like this, or there always has been perhaps we are just more aware of these fears. But in times like this with a nation in turmoil, and the threat of other nations turmoil effecting human lives all over the world, I struggle. I struggle to find the hope that is needed to teach my children that love and compassion still exist, and this world strongly needs more of it. I struggle with moving forward after witnessing some of the horrific images being displayed on public and social media, especially the unkind or irresponsible images being thrust forward disregarding those whom it effects. I suppose I struggle in this world with so much lack of compassion and empathy for human lives.

Buddhists believe that worrying about the future is a waste of time, that you should always keep your mind in the present living completely "in the now". I suppose this is hard when faced with some of the heavy issues we've been dealing with as a human race. I say as a human race because sometimes I feel as though these issues are portrayed as "race" issues, or issues that are none of our business because they do not take place on American soil. These are in fact issues of the human race as a whole, what is done to one human life is done to all. I strongly believe we are all connected.

I get lots of different responses from people, some feel as though its just a cold cruel world and they almost expect these sort of tragedies to take place as some sort of "necessary evil". Or that we should raise our children to be "strong" and "hard" so that they are not eaten alive by this crazy world. These are the the cold responses that scare me the most. Yes I may be sensitive to these issues, perhaps even take them on personally. But, aren't we supposed to? Shouldn't it bother us all to the point where we feel as though we are so uncomfortable we MUST make a change of some sort? Wouldn't "training" our kids for a cold and cruel world only make it a much colder and more cruel world for their children? If hatred begets more hatred, then wouldn't love increase more love?

Perhaps the wisdom lies somewhere in between, where one day I will not succumb to the fear that comes along with these acts of hatred and violence. It's easy to react with fear or through fear, because no one could imagine having to endure some of the terrible things that go on around the world every single day. Maybe only when we can respond to pure hatred with love and compassion, can we bring light into these dark circumstances. It's difficult for sure, to abstain from anger or judgement when you see injustice and hatred running rampant. To keep from responding with more hatred or even violence in some cases. Perhaps, now more than ever we draw from our children instead of trying to have it all figured out for them. We draw from them the untainted pure love and understanding that comes free of charge, undeservingly.

It helps to talk about these thoughts and ideas, communication is the only medium to true change. Respectful open conversations reserving all judgement is healthy to creating new policies, procedures and thought patterns. I guess all in all we have to take our talk for a walk, practice what we are preaching and lead by example for our children. Modeling true kindness and compassion in ALL situations, even the hardest teaches the biggest lesson. That no matter how unjustly you are treated, your response to the situation has the capability to change the situation itself.

In other words, it all starts at home. It all starts with you... You can make a change in the world, by making the change in your life, in your relationships and in your community. Understanding that we are but a drop in a vast ocean, we must play our part by doing our part. Growing where we are planted I suppose and understanding that we are a part of something much much bigger.

"A jug fills drop by drop... Each moment of conscious intention is a raindrop that will in time turn into a stream, and then a river flowing to it's destination."

-Buddha


Essentially Yours,


Erika

What I'm Reading: "Between Parent & Child" by Dr. Haim Ginott

For me, this book read like a love letter from parent to child. It had confirmed everything I knew to be right and wrong about parenting communication regardless of what I was taught.

To be clear, I was raised in a loving yet strict environment. We were taught that questioning an adult is disrespectful and therefore questioning their authority, as many people from my generation have experienced. My grandparents grew up during The Great Depression, this generation had little time to worry about such things as "feelings" or "communication". They were taught to do as they were told, and not to ask questions.

I can only imagine it was a desperate attempt at maintaining some sort of structure within a family that could very well have been hanging on by a thread. Families were also much larger in these times, the average household could have as many as six to eight children (my mom was one of eight). Personal attention could have been an issue, this is a common story for many families from that era. It was also a time in which there was an influx of well-meaning albeit misleading research and opinions from groups of German psychologists and theories making its way into the United States as respected professional opinion. A lot of these researchers believed a child was a person that needed to be dominated, otherwise they would dominate you. A babies cry was an act of manipulation and must be ignored if the child was already fed and changed, in order to "set the standard" for who was really the boss. Hence, the foundation for practices such as the "crying it out" method that's become so popular. Making parenting a chess match of sorts, setting the framework for an "Us vs. Them" mentality. A dangerous way to think not only as a person but as a culture. You see, by conveying that we are on the same side of the problem in a moment of frustration and vulnerability, allows for a lesson in conflict resolution and problem solving.

Side Note: Coincidentally, a large number of these respected researchers and psychologists were practicing in the years leading up to Hitler's reign and the Holocaust that took place in Germany in the late 1930's - early 1940's.

Dr. Haim Ginott is thought to be the "Godfather" of empathic parenting. His influence far reaching and still very relevant in works today with author and co-founder of The Gottman Institute, Dr. John Gottman. Also with students who have their own literary contributions to conscious parenting such as Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (more on these authors in upcoming book recommendations). Ginott's approach showed respect for children's feelings while placing boundaries on their behavior, some believe he was ahead of his time.

At the heart of his method, he realized that by ignoring a person's feelings you only enhance them or create confusion. However, by acknowledging these feelings, we are able to move forward and become better problem solvers.
This is an in depth read based on conflict resolution and treating children with the dignity and respect they deserve. A form of discipline in and of itself. The theory is that true discipline is not taught, but modeled. The word itself "discipline" derives from the word "disciple". Being the example to children at the most vulnerable stage in their life is the best model we can give them. It sets the stage for true empathy and compassion, perhaps if we all had more of these communication skills in schools and at home already set in place our country would not be dealing with such a terrible bullying epidemic. Empathy is the foundation of effective parenting.

We cannot expect a child to feel empathy because we have always told them to, it's an intrinsic emotion that can only be evoked if the child has the freedom in a safe space to address ALL of their feelings. Not just the self-gratifying feelings we need them to have so that we can feel like we've done a good job parenting. "Go tell Johnny your sorry!", I hear this all too often at the playground. This child isn't learning empathy or compassion by force, they are learning to say something to appease adults within earshot (more on this sort of "punishment" in future book recommendations).

Dr. Haim Ginott's legacy and one of his greatest accomplishments may have been the classes he held with parent's in a town hall type setting, teaching these communication skills with compassion and empathy for where each of these parent's were in their own specific parenting journey.

Overall, this was one of the books that helped lay the groundwork for making a change in the "framework" of my parenting. These communication skills have reached beyond my parent / child relationship and seeped into every relationship in my life. A great beginning to better understand "feelings" in general. A great read even if you don't have any children!

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Haim Ginott and his work, go to: www.betweenparentandchild.com.

I look forward to sharing more books with you!


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We'd love for you to link up what you're reading with us!

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Essentially Yours,


Erika

Tot School / Playroom Tour

I found out I was pregnant with my firstborn the day we signed a one year lease for a one bedroom apartment. I took a test that night because I was so exhausted and couldn't figure out why. Coming off the heels of a really tough miscarriage, being pregnant was the farthest thing from my mind. But, lo and behold we had made a baby!

We ended up sticking it out until we found a place we were really comfortable with, we found it when I was about 6 months pregnant. Too close for my comfort, but at last we found it. I fell in love with this quaint townhouse in a desirable neighborhood. Quite possibly for the playroom opportunities, there was an awesome sized room right off of the kitchen, pretty centrally located in the home. I decided this was going to be a really "fun" room. Playroom planning began at about 4 months old (overachiever alert). I started to realize that everyone was willing to contribute to my madness and soon the toys just flowed in from friends and family members.

The problem with this is I didn't have much say-so on what toys made the cut or not, and before long my beloved playroom was looking like a toy graveyard! I always knew I wanted to keep things simple "toy-wise", and that less would be more. It just seemed to get out of control so quickly. Everything had batteries and lit up, was flashing and colorful and PLASTIC!!!! I get claustrophobic just thinking about it!

Reading up on plenty of research over the years about the importance of "true play" and how commercialized childhood has become, I was determined to make a drastic change. The theory is that there are different types of play, each inspired and driven by the toys that are offered to the child. "Imitation Play" is inspired by single-use toys such as Spiderman or any action figures, pistols from cowboy sets, swords from pirate play sets, etc.. These toys can only be used for a single purpose, so the opportunity for imaginative play is limited. A gun can only be a gun, a car that lights up only has one function and the fun can run out pretty quickly, therefore fostering a need for endless single-use toys to occupy a child's time (See how this can be attractive to the toy industry?). "Imitation Play" takes place when a child is acting out a scene from a cartoon or movie, they are only repeating what was seen or heard. This isn't pure creative play and doesn't require much imagination, therefore isn't exactly ideal for a developing brain. (Another reason screen time isn't really beneficial at this time, even the American Association of Pediatrics has recognized this and advised against any screen time whatsoever before the age of two years old.)
"True Play" is encouraged with open-ended toys, such as blocks, erector sets, play dough etc...
Open ended toys can be ANYTHING, therefore inspiring endless imagination and creativity. A stick could be used as a sword in an epic battle one moment, or as a Maestro's baton while composing a symphony another. Play Dough can be formed into a worm one moment and then change into a train or a ball. The possibilities are endless and completely up to the child. You see a battery operated toy that lights up and makes sounds already does the thinking for the child, not much imagination necessary. There are many parts of the brain not even being used because they don't have to be, all the work was done for them. I can't help but think of all the complaints I hear about kids these days. How lazy they seem, they never want to play outside (an entirely bigger can of worms there), lack of imagination, creativity or innovation.

Toys as a whole are believed to be an introduction to children as parts of the world and parts of themselves. The materials we surround them with at the earliest stages in life set the stage for the type of environment they accept, and build around them as adults. The types of material we offer to them at such an impressionable age sends a message and communicates values that we wish to instill as parents. If we surround a child with an endless supply of plastic, bright, shiny light up toys that require not much interaction from them and is completely disposable, can we really be upset with unmotivated, entitled children with no real sense of appreciation or responsibility? Hey, I didn't do the research (don't kill the messenger), but I have to say it all adds up for me and my family at least. I've definitely noticed a difference in the children of my generation and the technology driven - disconnected adolescence I see in schools and on television today. You couldn't get me to come back inside as a child, and it seems, kids can't seem to get outside enough. To the point where its a growing concern in the medical field, and there are articles written on doctors giving an old fashioned Rx of nature and the outdoors.

I personally feel as though our culture as a whole is lacking in originality, creativity and innovation. Every time I turn around there is a remix of some old song, or a remake to an old movie. There literally is nothing but sequels in the movie theater at times ("Robo-Cop", really???). Some souped up version of an old classic from when I was a child ("Transformers IV, really???). Where are all the creative geniuses of OUR generation? What happened to the George Lucas' or Steven Spielberg's of our time??? If it isn't the fifteenth installment of some demonic possession, or some classic being hacked to pieces that it barely resembles the original plot to begin with, the theaters would be out of business. Is that next? Like the music industry? Like CD's?? Can the movie industry go so bankrupt from lack of creativity?? I can just see it now... "Death By Imitation..". I've given up on the radio and taken to working on my vinyl collection, it keeps me musically sane for now.

Anyhow, I decided it was time for a change and I slowly but surely removed everything battery operated or mostly plastic. I started by watching what they no longer played with and removed it from the room to see if they would notice it even went missing. Then, I started removing toys that served only a single purpose (most not all at once) and kept it outside of the playroom. I kept the important things I knew they would miss like their train table (they would have lost it if that went), their work bench and kitchen. I slowly added back in the toys that they just couldn't let go of and picked up a few Montessori materials that could grow with them. My next job was to give the room some functionality and "flow". By observing the set up at a couple of my favorite play spaces at Sunflower Creative Arts or The Bees Knees in Boynton Beach, along with following a few of my favorite blogs for inspiration such as www.YouAretheRoots.com, www.TheKavanaughReport.com or www.ImagineOurLife.com. These are all women whom I admire and respect, they are incredible moms with wonderful blogs.

I get a lot of questions about our Tot School / Play Room area, so I'm going to give a tour / breakdown of this high traffic area of our home!

Tot School is all about learning through play and immersion, it's framework lies somewhere between Montessori and arts and crafts. It's popular with our boys and really just gives us new fun and interesting ways for us to spend time being creative. I've acquired some additional shelving over time to accommodate the different activity trays / invitations to play. Here is an outside view of the room right off of the living/dining area and just past the kitchen.

The alphabet mural was a wonderful project that took quite a bit of time because I handpicked each letter separately and then had to paint them all. Pinterest has lots of different variations of this mural that I love. Pinterest can single-handedly end save my marriage depending on the week.

The work bench is a great place they practice motor skills and its all just made up of different pieces they can create /build with, definitely a keeper! The bin on the side is filled with balls and their fave throwback dinosaurs they can pretend to ride to their hearts content.

The chalkboard wall is always a hit, every couple of months I slap on a new coat for their blank canvas and see how it develops over time. I figured if I gave them a place they were allowed to draw on the walls, I would limit the accidents of them actually drawing all over my walls. This has worked, to some degree.. There were a few minor incidents, but hey it's part of the process! I also have their puzzle basket and the infamous Montessori Pink Tower. They absolutely love this tower and can play with it for hours.

I knew I had wanted a "Cozy Corner" where they could nestle up and "read" books. They have one at Sunflower that the kids love and I wanted to re-create that quiet space here at home. I found some on Pinterest called a "Book Nook", I keep it close to the books and some fun little touch and feel books in a basket as well.


Next up are the shelves...

Here I have some of the Montessori materials such as the Cylinder Sequence Blocks, Zipper Practice Board, Alphabet Box and Number set. These grow with the boys and they delve into new ways of approaching them each time. I added a globe for some of the matching trays I plan on tackling this year and of course STUFF, which is mostly finger paint. I keep the "class plant" here as well, it aides in teaching responsibility and the difference between "living" and "non-living" objects.

The middle shelves are where we keep books and some toys that are great for play like wooden blocks, lacing beads, art supplies like crayons, colored pencils, glue and paint brushes. All accessible to them as they need. As well as a few goodies like their fave truck and a basket with all of their dinosaurs and animals. Mostly Toobs from Safari Ltd. that are a hit with us! It's also home to our "class pets" Henry, & Maury (R.I.P. Percy), our hermit crabs.

The rest of the shelves hold Instruments and their Super Sorting Pie, along with another favorite truck and their erector set. These all get switched out as I put out trays for a new week of adventures. Up top is the Montessori inspired crayon sorter, these are actually Del Monte fruit cup cans that I was able to clean out and paint then screw onto a piece of 2x4. (Yes I did buy the fruit cups and dump out the sugary processed fruit, all in the name of a crafty project!)

They also have their own music corner (just like Mommy) next to their instrument basket, piano and record player. Many a jam sesh is enjoyed here!





Alas, the infamous train table! Where all the action goes down.. I love that their obsession at least requires them to use their imagination building new tracks every day and working together to create new scenarios.

Did I mention the wonderful storage options this provides? #ThriftyMomScore for $35!

Over on the Art wall, is the Kitchen Set. This beloved natural all wood kitchen is home to hours of creative play and plenty of "birthday pies" for Mommy. Don't even ask how long this took to build on Christmas Eve.

On this art wall we display any art or pictures that mean something to the boys, they do get to choose which makes this space even more special.

Here they've chosen their geometric tape art projects and Evan's Seedlings class picture. They also have an original painting by Daddy and a sweet picture of Evan on his beloved trike in his pajamas. (my favorite)

Throughout the space I've tried to help incorporate bits and pieces of themselves, personal touches that make it feel like its truly their space. The "Play" sign that they helped to paint, or the picture gallery of some of their play time together. The hanging art display where they dry their art or just proudly display which piece they wish that day. This space is constantly evolving, because they are constantly growing and changing.

I wanted a safe space at home where they could do so freely, creatively and expressively. In my research I've found plenty of articles supporting the theory that the window for the most creative and expressive time in a child's life is in the first six years, coincedentally the same time frame in which compassion and empathy are taking form in a childs development. I don't want to spend that time cramming facts, shapes, colors or even reading and writing techniques down their throat. I hope to instead provide a space where they can learn about themselves, strengthen their creative muscles, fall in love with life and hone their craft whatever that may be.

You only get one childhood, I intend on letting them have it. It's a sacred space that shouldn't be tainted with ulterior motives, adult agenda or coercion. The way I see it, they have the rest of their lives to feel the pressures of fitting in and doing what is expected of them. Even then, I hope they follow their dreams because they took the time to learn what those dreams were early on. Because they were allowed the time to truly be themselves and learn what it is that makes them shine.

If you would like some more information on the effects the toys you introduce may have on your child you can check out this article at: http://www.becomingminimalist.com/why-fewer-toys-will-actually-benefit-your-kids/

You can also check out the following books:

"The Case for Make Believe" or "Consuming Kids" both written by Susan Linn
"Taking Back Childhood" by Nancy Carlsson-Paige
"The Last Child in the Woods" by Richard Louv


What would you like to change about your playroom? Tell me about it!



Essentially Yours,


Erika

Sunflower Creative Arts - Remember Play? We Do!

Where do I begin?

Well, I suppose at the beginning..

When I first found out I was pregnant with my firstborn, I was elated! Shocked.... but elated! I spent the first few years of my marriage in a painful battle with severe endometriosis. After two pregnancy losses and being told by physicians that I only had one functioning ovary due to the damage of multiple laparoscopies, I was under the impression that my fertile days were numbered.

Well, one day at a spa and a birthday weekend #staycation was all it took apparently. Take that docs!

Needless to say, having two losses on my "fertility belt" did not make me a peaceful pregnant princess. And when my son was born safe and sound (after 18 hours of back labor and an emergency C-section), I had this longing desire to be sure everything was "perfect" (I know, I know...)

I did everything by the book, mommy & me classes, scheduled feeding / nap times, cloth diapering, even struggled endlessly with latch issues and severe reflux to try and breastfeed exclusively. Evan was four months old and I was looking for something else to do with my new little one, mall walks and classes were getting old. I was shopping at the Boca Raton Green Market (our Saturday morning ritual), drinking my coffee and eating a blueberry scone while picking fresh flowers for the house. I picked up a flyer from the guest table that jumped out above the rest. "Remember Play, We Do!". It was a flyer for a local children's center called Sunflower Creative Arts. So simple. Yet so profound.

I couldn't explain the intense draw this flyer had on me. When I got home I placed it on my corkboard above my desk and went on with my day.

At least once a week I would glance at this flyer and think, "I need to call that place and find out what sort of classes they offer". Time went on and I never got around to it. Although, when Evan turned 6 months old we found out we were pregnant, AGAIN! (Apparently I did have some time on my hands for other things) This bit of news hit us like a ton of bricks! We didn't think we could be more shocked than our first time around. So just like that, we were a family of four. The next year flew by as you can imagine, and "busy" was my middle name. I would still always look at my desk area and think about calling. I am not by any means a hoarder, I like to toss (recycle) any papers hanging around, so the simple fact that this flyer survived was a miracle in and of itself.

Finally, when Nate was just four months old, I picked up the card and called. I was greeted by a very friendly voice who informed me there was an affordable music class for babies on Friday mornings.
I showed up to "Circle of Song" with Nate in the Ergo and Evan on my hip, we were ready for some music! Boy did we get more.. The class was led by Susan Caruso, Founder of Sunflower Creative Arts. Susan wears many hats, one of which is being an honorary grandma to my boys (and the baby whisperer). Her warmth is electric and her authenticity is magnetic. Evan was immediately drawn to her (as was I) and participated in the music class while Nate slept.

Afterwards, she welcomed me as a newcomer and told me about a group of moms that meet every Friday after Circle of Song at Woodlands Park just across the parking lot from Sunflower Creative Arts. It was called "Share and Learn", I went right into Type A mommy brain thinking about whether it would "interfere" with Evans scheduled nap. I decided to go anyway, and boy am I glad that I did. Susan's warm and accepting presence (I've never met anyone more present than she) drew me in, I sat and listened as this group of women shared experiences and difficulties they were going through. Their stories were met with soft empathetic glances (not with judgment), and their struggles were greeted with acknowledgment and gentle guidance (not comparison). I found my tribe! Just before this music class I think I was looking for something different to do because I now realize I was probably in the throws of an emotional breakdown. With two babies under the age of two (one barely walking and the other constantly in arms), and virtually no help at all, this "control freak" was falling apart at the seams. I now know I needed to lose control in order to wake up and realize I was totally missing some of the journey.

(My Tribe... A few are missing)

There couldn't have been a better place to fall apart. The loving ears and arms of these women is where I found my strength and courage as a mom. Its where I found my "voice" and realized that "family" is truly a group experience of love and support. I went on to discover other programs Sunflower had to offer and enrolled Evan into Little Sprouts, a nature based art and play mommy and me program that introduces children and their parents to the basics of early cooperative play and problem solving skills. This class is where I met some really amazing women who I'm proud to call my support team. As time went on, Evan grew and was ready to make the natural progression from a Sprout to a Seedling. The Seedlings program is a parent / child co-operative program from ages 2-6 that focuses on the whole child. What really struck me about this program is that they really focus on embracing the whole child, their days aren't filled with endless preschool type fodder. They focus more on life skills, as opposed to teaching the children to memorize colors, shapes, letters and numbers.

Learning to work together...

At Seedlings my children learn more about problem solving, conflict resolution, thinking for themselves and outside of a box. Skills that will continue to sustain far into their future, and help them to nurture all kinds of of relationships and foster endless possibilities. Seedlings not only prepares them for school, but for life... This is invaluable to me. Throw in the fact that they have their own community garden (they use the produce grown to cook a meal for Boca Helping Hands), and that my 3 year old has been taught all about composting and my hippie heart skips a beat!

Tending to the garden..

Composting!

If you would have asked me two years ago if I would ever feel comfortable leaving my children anywhere with strangers to care for them in my absence I would have laughed in your face. Sunflower has created a community of love and compassion, they've created a family... One that I am proud to say that I am a part of, their parent co-operative program allows all the parents and children to get to know each other in the most raw and real way you can get to know someone, through play!

My favorite quote from Plato is:

"You learn more about a person in an hour of play, than in a year of conversation."

As you can see, EVERYONE has fun at Sunflower..

I can truly say that I love each and every child I've come across at Sunflower as if they were my own. You see, those life skills that are taught on the modest playground at Sunflower aren't exclusive to the children. I too have learned a lot by being a part of this community, a part of this family.. I will forever be changed because of it. I've learned the true meaning of compassion, and have been compelled to practice the art of true love in my everyday life. This renewed outlook has re-ignited my faith in humanity and in the world, I call myself extremely fortunate to know that my children will have this as their foundation. All too often I witness parents preparing their children for a "cold & cruel" world, this truly saddens me. To see them lose their innocence, or become jaded so young, it seems can only set us up for a much colder and cruel world in the future yet to come.

At first glance, the playground at Seedlings may not look like much. Some sand, some dirt, glue, paint and opportunity! But for those lucky few that get to see the wonder in a Seedlings eyes, or the respect that is extended to these tiny trusting hands, they know that this is a place of magic and wonder. A warm and safe place to try new things, make mistakes, and feel free to be yourself. Something I feel is lacking in educational institutions across America. (Don't even get me started on that)

It's summer break right now, but I'm already excited about whats to come this year with both of my boys being a Seedling. I can't wait to see all the milestones and lessons and even mistakes they make in learning about life in this sacred space. There are no cellular devices or even outside parent conversation allowed on the playground, the very definition of "childhood unplugged". With this new year comes new possibilities and I find that I'm yearning for my Sunflower dose just as much (if not more so) than my little guys. I can't wait to take advantage of the Parent Toolbox classes offered at Sunflower that give parents the tools and skills to deal with some of the really tough challenges in parenting.

Fall classes start on August 18th, if your'e interested in learning more about Sunflower Creative Arts you can check them out at www.sunflowercreativearts.org and register for a plethora of different classes offered for children of all ages. (There are also a few free programs to check out!) You can also give them a call at (561)482-3412 or shoot them an e-mail at: contact@sunflowercreativearts.org for more info. They work in conjunction with the Jane Goodall Foundation's National Program Roots & Shoots. The Roots & Shoots Club focuses on local social service projects showing care and concern for the environment, animals and the human community. I cannot wait for my boys to take part in this!

Tribe Picnic...


Growing up in NYC you learn a lot about life pretty early on. Riding the subway alone at eleven years old to visit my grandma, or walking to and from school alone is something I couldn't imagine letting the boys do, but its general practice for NYC kids (in my day). This, and suddenly losing my father to a horrific motorcycle accident at the age of fourteen certainly contributed to a certain amount of stress and responsibility that I was not ready to take on as a young girl. Let's just say my sense of "wonder" or "play" took a hike and the "real world" kicked in. Taking on such large amounts of responsibility at such a young age and being responsible for myself and my family sort of stole a piece of my adolescence I felt I couldn't get back... Or so I thought.

I was so consumed with surviving this tragedy in my life I'd forgotten how to just have fun at times. I'd become one of those people who was obsessed with work and getting ahead in life. Until I found my tribe... Through trying to give that sense of wonder and magic (that only your childhood can give you) to my boys, did I re-gain it for myself.

"Remember Play?", I do now...

Essentially Yours,

Erika